Don't sweat the small stuff

First, apologies to anyone who checks in regularly, for I have not been here for some time. This is mainly because my boss at my work, who is also my friend, has had a lot of physical problems that have landed her in hospital and that means she will not be able to go to work herself for some time. So I and my work colleague have been doing extra hours.

This means two things - 1) a shortage of time and 2) a mind that is stuffed full of words so that I find it difficult to focus. Because I also have not been able to write and that has had the usual effect on my brain. I was becoming rather stressed about that, and about the issues in my personal life. Then I remembered words somebody said to me many years ago. At the time it was after I had a fight with a boyfriend and I was upset. A woman I knew said I should think about it this way - will it matter in 5 years time? If it will, do something to make it right, if it doesn't, let it go.

At the time, I applied it to the fight - it wasn't going to matter in 5 years so I let it go and felt so much better that I have never forgotten those words. Over the years I have applied this to many situations and it is surprising how much clarity it gives me. But I forgot to apply it to my current situation until yesterday.

When I did, I had a rather surprising result. Since my entire life is in a state of flux, I can't say that anything I am currently worried about will have any bearing on my life in 5 years. Everything single thing that I am currently losing sleep over can be put into the file labelled Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, because it really won't matter in 5 years time. Even the big issues, in 5 years will for sure be sorted out. So losing sleep over where I am to live, where I will work, if my new book will sell, if I will ever find the time to finish it since my timeline for that has not been achieved is a pointless activity.

Worrying is always a pointless activity, it achieves nothing and wears a person down so much that there is a real risk of becoming ill. Constructive worrying, where solutions to problems are found is not the same thing - I call it constructive worrying because I am still stressed but I am actively searching for solutions.

But in my current situation, worrying or constructive worrying is not really going to achieve anything. I have to take each day as it comes, do the best I can and have faith that it will all work out in the end. I'm kind of a pessimistic optimist. I worry, stress and freak out, but there is always that tiny core of optimism that is struggling to get out and tell me it will be ok. That's why I try to be positive and have only positive thoughts, that little bubble of optimism says it's important to attract only positive energy. Now, applying the 5 year rule, I realise that worrying is not only pointless but not even necessary.

I have no idea where I will be in 5 years, I have no idea what I will be doing with my life. But everything I am currently stressed about will not matter then. So why stress about it now? This is freeing, I feel much lighter and I am sure I will sleep better. I have been trying to apply my rule of positive thinking but of course at 2am that's always very difficult to do. Those monsters always look more frightening at that hour of the morning. However, the 5 year rule makes worrying unnecessary, in fact even in 6 months all this worry will be a wasted effort.

So I won't worry any more, I will accept that control freak me actually can't control anything right now. All I can do is roll with it, make what plans I can, and have faith that I will end up in the right place doing the right thing for me. And not sweat the small stuff. And right now, in a very real way, even the big stuff is small stuff because everything in my life is changing.

Identify your small stuff, and be prepared to be surprised, for in 5 years time, even the big stuff now will be small stuff then. Of course sometimes the big stuff now has to be sorted to make it small stuff in the future. But always remember to use the 5 year rule because it helps to identify what really needs to be dealt with and what truly does not matter.

time - it's all relative

Time goes by so fast sometimes, and if the day to day routine is the same, it can just disappear like dust in the wind. For me, I have not been able to get to my writing for some days now, for a few different reasons, and I was rather shocked to realise how long it has been. One reason for this is that insomnia and I have developed a pretty close relationship. I think any day now insomnia will present me with a black ring set with a red stone and I will become Mrs Sleepless, set to rule over the awake and resentful of that fact. I will prod them at the edges of their consciousness so that they jerk awake from just on the verge of sleep. I will fill their heads with all kinds of thoughts that take on a life of their own at 2am. I will be the queen of the sleepless, dressed in a glorious black lace dress with blood red underskirts.

Lack of sleep means that when I do have time to write I am so tired that what I write I delete when I read it again the next day. It's not exactly writers block, it's more just exhaustion making my mind too foggy to work properly. The thoughts are there, but they are not arranging themselves onto the screen properly.

Another reason for not writing is simply that I have been working a lot more lately, and sadly housework, washing and grocery shopping do have to be done. Also, it is school holidays. This means that the youngest is at home. It is completely impossible to write with him at home. He talks, and talks, and talks. I lose track so frequently that it is better not to even start. Add to that the seemingly endless texts from people that clearly have radar and start texting as soon as I open up the book file, and you can get the gist that I am feeling rather frustrated.

It is only temporary I know, so I will just focus on the near future when I can get back into it. Positive thoughts only, negative thoughts are not allowed (especially difficult at 2am but I do try). I do believe that positive thoughts lead to positive results. And you only need to look at countries like Egypt and Brazil to see this put into effect.

In Brazil the population went into the streets to protest a ruling class perceived as self-serving and corrupt. They didn't just complain to each other, they got together en masse and did something about it to effect change. And they have had world wide support and promises of changes within their country.

In Egypt the population has also gone into the streets to protest the current president. This is the first freely elected president, but the people of Egypt are not happy with his performance and they are not happy with how the economy is performing. They did not feel sorry for themselves. They went out in their millions to protest publicly, and on the whole peacefully. These people have created positive energy, they have acted to bring about change.

I have enormous admiration for the people of Brazil and Egypt. They are focused, determined and thinking positively. They have energy and they have belief that they can make a difference.

And that's what we should all try to do. With belief and focus and determination, anyone can do amazing, astonishing things. Apathy should be only a word, not a mindset. Negative thoughts should be banished (and yes, there are friends who will read this who will be saying to me do as you say woman!) Negative thoughts are terribly difficult to let go of. There is a kind of masochistic pleasure to be got from sinking into despair and misery. And of course dark thoughts feed on each other.

But positive thoughts also feed on each other. The first step is believing that you deserve good things in life - surprisingly hard to do! Banish every negative thought even as it tries to derail you (I'm talking to my niece about trains as I write this) and only think positive thoughts. See where it takes you. That's what I'm going to do from now on. And if the negative thoughts take over, I will banish them and I will forgive myself for having them instead of being angry at myself. It really is time to live in the light instead of the shadows :)

Today's pictures are of myself and the youngest going to the movies today, it was a good day and a good reminder to be positive. The other is of the crowds of people out on the streets in Alexandria in Egypt, also a good reminder to be positive.