Life :|

Wow life can sure throw a few doozies at us, usually when least expected. I often think that if only I could see into the future I could make the right decisions when I find myself at a life-altering crossroads. If only I could see where each potential decision would take me I could be sure to choose correctly.

Now I think it doesn't work that way. If I could see that decision (a) would lead me to a certain low point, naturally I would want to avoid that, and so not make that decision. But how far into the future should I see? What about what comes after that point? Perhaps I needed to reach that low point so I could make the next decision that would lead me to where I am supposed to be. And perhaps if I don't reach that point I will never end up where I am supposed to be. And it goes on and on, like ripples on a pond.

Every decision I make, every step I take, affects not only me but the people around me. Maybe some of my decisions are made because some people needed me to be there to help them on their journey through life. Maybe some are just sheer stupidity on my part! But going back to the collective reference in another blog, we are all truly interconnected. Every single thing I do has a ripple effect. There are many songs and stories about this, how one persons seemingly small decision has a flow on effect to all the people around. There is a reason why songs and stories and myths refer to it as the tapestry or the rhythm of life. It's because we are all bound together, whether we know it or not.

As a purely hypothetical exercise - made up on the spot - say I decide to buy my coffee from a different vendor one day. It's a great cup of coffee and I say so to the barista. She is thrilled to get a compliment and passes this onto the next customer by complimenting her hair. That customer is very appreciative because her hair has just grown back after losing it during breast cancer treatment. She tells the barista this, and the barista is reminded that she has not yet had a mammogram so she makes an appointment. The mammogram picks up the early stages of cancer and she is very lucky she made that appointment when she did and didn't put it off. And she made the appointment because I complimented her on her coffee making skills.

This is a sledgehammer type of analogy I know. But there are smaller things playing out every day, because of small decisions and because of big ones. Maybe there was no cancer, maybe it just gave the barista a lift and she passed it on and everyone she passed it onto gave it to others and there was a small swell of good feeling happening all day.

Change, that thing I'm no good at, comes about because of decisions we have made - maybe not the decisions we make today, maybe because of decisions made years ago. And maybe by decisions made by other people that end up affecting us. Change happens, and some change happens whether it is welcome or not. I've written before about change and how I'm learning to accept it and even embrace it, and not be afraid of it.

And that's what I'm doing, on the whole. But wow, sometimes among those steps along the way to effecting the change can be huge hidden and unexpected potholes. And they are bone jarring, soul crushing events that make me just want to go to bed and say "wake me when it's over". Change is a simple word, with a simple meaning. But to make a life altering change is difficult. There are complex threads in the tapestry of one way of living that are so fine you don't even know they are there until they are severed.

They have to go of course, a complete change is impossible until all the ties to the old way of living/thinking are gone. It's like a long and invasive surgery, exhausting and at times extremely painful, but once started has to be completed. So here I am, hopefully more that halfway through the process towards this change that is coming to me, and it's inevitable I know. I can't stop it now, and I don't really want to - I just want to fast forward it!

Letting go of past ways of thinking and living is a process of grief. Letting go of the people who were once a part of that past life is also a process of grief. I'm only just now realising this and allowing it to happen. I know the next stage of my life is going to be exactly right for me, and while yesterday I wondered if it was all worth it, today I know it is. Sometimes we change our lives by choice, and sometimes we are pushed - whether by people, events, or a higher power is a blog for another day.

And while my writing has suffered for a while as I learned another of life's lessons, I'm ready again to get this werewolf story happening. And I have a segment of the Facebook novel in my head that I want to get out and onto my computer. For me, when the writing desire comes back, and my fingers start to itch, I know emotionally I'm back on the right track. For today, that's enough.

what I meant to write about yesterday

So yesterday I rambled on about road trips and how they are a neat little metaphor for life. It wasn't actually what I intended to write about but it was what came from my fingers. I intended to write about bullying, to be specific school yard bullying.

The thing about bullying is that sometimes there is a fine line between thoughtless immature behaviour and outright bullying. It's easy enough to tell the difference most times. That lout who demands other kids' lunch and or lunch money each day and the kids give it to him because they are afraid of him, that's bullying. The kid who shoves another kid's head down a toilet and flushes and think it's funny, that's bullying. Obviously the kids who terrorise emotionally and physically are bullies.

The reasons behind the bullying will be as varied as the multicoloured M&M's stolen from some kids treat box. The end result will be the same - a terrified kid who starts having multiple sick days or becomes very silent, or goes to school and then sneaks out and hides somewhere until the end of the day and until the school notifies his parents.

But sometimes what is picked up as bullying, what is experienced by the child as bullying, is not actually the intention of the child doing it. Sometimes it is just plain immature foolish behaviour with no thought for consequences. I'm not speaking from the perspective of the parent of such a child here, but as the parent of a child who started having multiple sick days. Eventually it came out that one of his friends was taking friendly rough-housing too far. His friend didn't realise he was being too rough, too mean in his choice of words. And my child, as a friend, was horribly conflicted about what to do.

So the school has stepped in and I don't know how it will go. How do you explain to an only just teen that he is being too impulsive, too immature, too thoughtless. How does a child of that age even process this. The brain goes through one of the fastest and most complex stages of growth in the early teen years. The other time is as a toddler. So there are synapses developing and misfiring, information not being processed correctly or going missing entirely. Decision making is one of the brain processes that is not refined properly until the late teen years. Also, errors in judgement are frequently not noticed. Right at the time in their school life that such skills are pretty useful.

This is why teens can be so irritating and annoying. They actually don't notice their errors in judgement, they take forever to make a decision and when they do it's probably not going to be the right one. They get easily distracted by pleasurable activities - like playing a game on the internet instead of researching for an assignment. Impulsive behaviour is also a result of this rapidly growing brain, teens have difficulty controlling impulses. While they know there will be consequences the impulse and the desire for immediate gratification often over-rides common sense. Like my child spending his pocket money on food and then bemoaning that he can't afford whatever electrical do-dad has become a vital necessity to his life. Every week.

Each child is different, each level of maturity comes at a different age for each child. Some teens cope better with this rapid brain growth than others, who knows why - maybe some brains grow in a more disciplined way and some simply explode with synapses. For that matter, why do some people always have difficulty controlling impulses, and understanding the principle of delayed gratification. I'm not an expert by any means, I don't know why this is or how these particular brains differ from others that are organised and exhibit very little impulsive behaviour.

It is one of those mysteries of life that I like to ponder - because I am a little strange and I lack the education to expound - that the basic model of the brain appears the same in all owners. Yet such different skill sets, such different thought processes, such a varied range of ideas and abilities and knowledge occur in each and every person on the earth. We are all totally unique, nobody else in the world thinks quite like I do, or you, or the person sitting beside you. Nobody else on earth sees the world quite the same as you do; if you were not here that particular perspective would not exist.

Which brings me to a point I had no idea I was going to raise. We are all in our own way special and unique to the world, and at the same time we are all part of the whole. We make a complicated and dazzling hotchpotch of thoughts, ideas, personalities, bodies and souls. Each and every person on this planet is here for a reason and each and every person on this planet is connected. In fact, we all come originally from stardust, literally. We are all part of the whole and yet we hurt, maim, kill each other. It's absurd when you realise that to hurt another is to hurt yourself.

So I guess here's to celebrating our teens in all their irritating weirdness and crazy impulsiveness and annoying thought processes. May the foolish impulsive behaviour be moderated soon - I expect the threat of lunch time detentions will get some of those synapses firing in the right way. Another thing about teens is that they react well to big incentives, either positive or negative. But don't even get me started on waking them in the morning.