Sunday, November 24, 2013


So ok, it's a subject done to death, love. Songs, poetry, books, movies, essays, blogs. And I'm probably not going to add anything new. Well for sure I'm not going to add anything new. Love has been discussed, debated, rationalised, scientifically identified as a chemical reaction etc etc etc. So I can't add anything new, I can only give my perspective.

Love of course is very individual, and there are many many forms and variations. Some people feel more deeply than others, some perhaps feel too deeply (hello obsessed stalkers of the world!). Some forms of love may perhaps more rightly be called obsession, a crush, an addiction even. But to the people feeling the emotion, it is simply love. It may be romantic love - that's the type most talked about. But of course all love is important, love is the most important, purest emotion in the world. With love nobody would be motivated to help others because without love, how could one feel empathy? This world would be a sad, bad and evil place without love. So love exists in all of our lives - love for God, love for family, friends, pets, a good book, an awesome pair of shoes. The good feeling engendered by love gives a rush - you can get it from that awesome pair of shoes, from your dog greeting you excitedly when you come home. You get it from many sources and that is because love is everywhere in this world.

Romantic love is the subject of most writings of course. Romantic love can give such highs and lows, like a roller coaster. Unrequited love is painful, love gone wrong is painful; love given and returned can be heaven on earth. Love shapes us, defines us, directs us. As children we love our parents unconditionally, we love our pets unconditionally too. And those pets inevitably die and we are devastated. I remember still the shock and pain I felt when I was a child and my first cat died. She was named with great imagination 'Mumma Cat' for the simple reason that she was always a mother, giving birth to litters of kittens with the regularity of a rabbit instead of a cat (and sometimes having those kittens on my bed, something I was thrilled about and didn't understand at the time why my mother was less than thrilled). My Mumma Cat eventually was spayed and she died on the operating table. I was completely inconsolable.

The loss of things we love as children, such as our pets if we are lucky - because if we are not lucky that loss is of a person - helps us to develop coping strategies for grief because the downside of love of course is grief. Inevitably there will be times when that which we love, be it person or pet or relationship, dies. It is devastating no matter what age you are. It is devastating if it is a person, also if it is a pet. Adult or child, grief is paralysing. The death of a relationship, friendship or romantic is also paralysing. One goes through stages of grief with the death of a loved one be it person or pet and one goes through similar stages at the death of a relationship. It is hard to say goodbye to what you had, what you were, who you were within that relationship.

But I digress. Love, in all its forms, shapes us all. Love of a friend, of a pet, of a child, of a parent, love of a partner - they enrich our lives. Love can never be wrong. What we do in the name of love can be wrong - but that is an individual reaction, a complex thing that must be tracked back through life to find the cause of the desire to commit murder, or other crime in the name of love. Jealousy of course is a part of love. We want to keep the one we love to ourselves, we want them to love only us, we think we might lose them to another. It's natural and normal and even healthy. I am of course talking about healthy jealousy in a healthy relationship.

Unhealthy relationships - we have all had them. We are all flawed and sometimes that shows in the choices we make in relationships. Life and love is a learning process. We learn to be a better person as we go through life. We learn to love the way we should also. As we grow and mature, so the love we feel is more giving, deeper and truer. This is so with all forms of love. The more we grow and develop as people, the truer the love we feel. And the most important love of all? It's not romantic love, it's the love of self.

Without loving ourselves, how can we love others? How can we be treated with kindness, thoughtfulness, respect and love if we don't love ourselves. We can't, and we choose partners who will not give us those things. We do it because we think it is all we deserve. The only way to break that cycle is to look at ourselves, learn ourselves, be kind to ourselves, forgive ourselves and love ourselves. Then and only then will we find the romantic relationship we want and deserve. Then and only then will we be able to give and receive true and pure love.

So, homework. Yep, homework. Go look in a mirror, look at yourself, truly look at yourself and tell yourself "I am growing to be a better person every day. I am already a good person. I am beautiful/handsome just as I am. I am worthy of love and I love myself because I am loveable. I believe in me." Don't feel like an idiot, do it and believe it. You can change your life when you believe in yourself and think positive thoughts about yourself. We are all guilty of thinking we are deficient in some way, not worthy of good things or good people. What we believe is what we get. Change how you think about yourself, change your attitude to yourself and to life. Believe in yourself and believe you are worth good things and good things and good people will happen. Believe me, it really works, I speak from experience here :) Try it, Cut yourself some slack, be kind to yourself, love yourself (I don't mean develop a sense of entitlement and think the world revolves around you - it totally doesn't, but love yourself the way you want to be loved) and your world will change.

Three pics again today - as to the last one, I assume you all change your underwear, it's the first two to look at ;)

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