Friday, April 4, 2014

Change - again

Well just in case I thought I might be able to change the plan the higher being has for me I got another push last week. A little reminder I guess that I am following the right path and there is no way I'm being allowed to go off it this time. I hadn't actually considered going off my path, I've had enough pushes to realise I'm going in the direction I'm supposed to be going in.

But it is always hard to say goodbye, to recognise and accept the end of something. Even though the ending signals the beginning of something new and different, it is human nature to cling to the old and familiar. And while I haven't been clinging, I have been sad to say goodbye and I've been a bit lax about packing up my life into boxes.

But now I have a time-frame imposed on me, and I have to start with the packing of my old life. And there's very little of it that I can take with me. In a way that's a good thing, it will make me be sure that the things I take are precious. But I am saying goodbye to a lot of things - and yes I've said it's just stuff and most of it is. Clothes and furniture, just stuff. Pictures, just stuff. But animals, paintings done by children at school, books - they are part of the fabric of this old life and it hurts like a bandaid off skin to let them go.

However they must go, and so must I. And the new beginning will bring with it over time new memories and mementos, and I know in my bones and my soul that this new beginning is exactly what I should be doing and that it will be a great adventure. Right now, sadness, but in days to come it will be excitement as a new life begins.

So what's the theme for this blog? In truth, I just wanted to get the words of sadness out of my head, to make room for the wide eyed wonder of anticipation. I'm feeling a blend of sadness and anticipation. One minute I'm planning the next stage, the next I'm crying as I think of what I will leave behind. I know it's natural and normal, and I know this stage will pass.

So I guess my theme, if there really is one and not just a self-indulgent spasm of words, is don't give up. If you have a dream, follow it even though it might at times bring sadness. To follow a dream usually means change, and change means endings, and endings mostly bring with them some sadness. Saying goodbye to an old life brings sadness but this does not mean your change, your dream, is wrong.

You can't start a new life, follow a dream, change something about your life even, without letting go of the old. Letting go of a life or even only part of a life is a lot more complicated than just walking out a literal or metaphorical door. There are so many things involved, the many tangled threads that together make the cloth of your life. To cut some or all of those threads makes other threads come unravelled. To leave a life, or to remove part of a life is like a surgical process of the soul. There is a wound, there is bleeding, there is hurt and then there is healing.

However the hurt must be allowed to be felt, the sadness also. It will pass and I believe it is a necessary part of letting go, of putting the past truly behind you so that you can embrace the future. You can't have one foot in your old life and one foot in the new. So don't give up if you feel sad to leave things behind, think of what is ahead and if that is worth it you will get through the sadness and the future you will thank the present you for staying strong :)

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