Cassie's story - Letters To Myself

I had a disturbed week last week, which is why there have been no blog posts. I had a power issue which took almost a week to resolve, so a lot of the time I had no power and no power means no internet for me. I’ll write a blog post later in the week about that, in the meantime it’s Monday and time for Cassie. We left off with Cassie wondering who Saffron has in mind as a driver/barista for Cassie’s new van.

The rest of the week passed uneventfully. Unfortunately that extended to my advertisement for a driver. I was disappointed that there was no response – admittedly it was classified part time, at least to begin with. However I made a point of saying that it was only part time at first. Surely there was someone for whom the hours were good?

“Me, that’s who wants your job.” It was Friday evening and Saffron had come over with her two girls for a dinner/movie night.

I stared at her over my wine glass, so surprised that I could find nothing to say. All I could do was raise my eyebrows above what I am sure were bugging eyes.

Saffron was looking militant, like she thought I was going to argue. Putting down her glass she leaned forward across the table. “Ben has his own life, and I am supposed to be the good wife and stay at home to look after the kids and keep a nice house for when it suits him to be a family man. And I have had enough.”

All I could do was blink. Yes, I knew that Saffron wished Ben would be at home more often, and that he was around for family events. Even on her last birthday he was away on a golfing trip. At the time she had said that he had forgotten her birthday and couldn’t cancel as he would lose his deposit. I knew she was lonely, and felt unimportant. But I had no idea it had progressed past loneliness to anger.  

“Well? I’m great with people, I’m a good driver, I can work around the school hours like you do, I’ve gone on that run with you several times. I’ve learned how to use the coffee machine so you wouldn’t have much trouble teaching me the finer points of coffee making. I’m perfect for the job!”

I stared at her, she was serious I could see. But I wasn’t sure it was the best move. Reaching for the bottle I refilled both our glasses to give myself time to think.

“Saffie, I know you’d be great at the job, and you are fantastic at customer service. But do you think it would work, combining our friendship with an employer/employee relationship? I’d be lost without our friendship if something went wrong. Have you discussed this with Ben?” As soon as I said that I wished I could press a rewind button. Sure enough, she exploded.

“Well maybe I would discuss it with my husband if he were ever home for long enough that we could talk about anything. Honestly Cassie, I could take this job and he wouldn’t even know I was doing it. It’s none of his business, he’s so busy enjoying his life that he doesn’t have time for his wife and children. So his wife is going to make a life for herself.”

Oh dear. I was at a loss about how to react. On the one hand I wanted to support her, of course I did. I wanted to give her the job and to hell with the consequences. But it was not so simple. For her, there was the potential fall out when Ben found out. For sure, he was nothing like Nathan and would probably encourage her. How Saffron would take it if that was his reaction was debatable. I worried that she was motivated more from a desire to get back at her absentee husband than a wish for something extra in her life. If so, I was not sure she would stick at the job if it became too difficult to juggle.

It was different for me, it was my business and my livelihood. Plus I loved all the aspects of the coffee van, from cooking the food I sold and making the coffee, to serving customers and driving around the city each day. But Saffron hadn’t worked outside of the home since the kids were born. Would she stick at it on days when she didn’t feel like going out? As much as I loved my friend, and treasured her wisdom, I was not sure she was being objective about this. I took a big swallow of wine while I considered my response.

“Saffie, I have no doubt that you would be perfect at the job. As you said, you know the route and you’ve used the coffee machine. But have you thought about this objectively?”

She stared at me with big wounded eyes. “You don’t want me?”

Damn. “That’s not it. I’d love to have you, you’d be an asset to my business. What I’m worried about is the effect on our friendship. I would be your boss, do you really want that?”

“You think I couldn’t handle you being my boss?”

I stared at her, not saying anything, just giving her time to think it through.

“Well, you do have a point. I do kind of take over a bit sometimes don’t I?” She smiled, a small smile, but a smile.

Before she could add any more, and I could see that she had more to add, the kids all trooped into the kitchen.

“When’s dinner, are you going soon?” This was Mark, who was having a growth spurt and was perpetually hungry. As we used to do in the days of my marriage, we were getting McDonalds and were going to have a picnic in the lounge room while we watched the movie. The kids still loved doing it even though the rules in my house here were more relaxed than they used to be in that life.

“Saffie and I are going now. You kids won’t burn down the house while we are gone will you?” I got up to fetch my bag and car keys as I spoke.

“Althea and I will be sure they don’t.” Emmerson had put on her grown up voice and I smiled. “So we get a sundae and they don’t right?”

The look of outrage on Emily and Mark’s faces was enough to make Saffron laugh, for which I was thankful.

“We’ll see.” Saffron and I went out, with Emmerson’s voice trailing after us. “We’ll see means no.”

I laughed, and Saffron grinned. We hopped into my car and headed off to get dinner. I was driving which was why I had only taken a sip of my wine. I would finish it later while we watched the movie the kids had selected.

The drive through at McDonalds was almost empty, so it was not long before we were stopped in the car park and checking the order. I had learned a long time ago to check that what I was given was the same as what I ordered before I left the carpark. It’s a real pain having to drive back because somebody’s meal was missed or we were given a completely different order.

This time everything was correct, so I drove to the exit. We had not even left the carpark when Saffron came back to the subject of the coffee van.

“So, I understand your point about employer/employee versus best friends. I can see that it may cause a tiny problem every now and then.”

I snorted at her take on the issue. “Just a tiny problem?”

“Well of course, I’m sure we will work it out. So, what I’m suggesting is this. Don’t look at me, look at the road!”

I swung my gaze back to the front. “Go on, tell me your proposal.”

“What if you continue looking for a barista/driver, and I just fill in until you find one? That way I will learn a new skill, get out of the house, and make a little bit of money that is entirely my own.”

I cut my eyes sideways at her, taking in her serious expression. Her statement about making some money of her own resonated with me, and made me wonder about the true nature of her marriage. I knew some of it, but just like me with Nathan, I was sure there were aspects to their marriage that Saffron was keeping to herself.

I drove in silence for a few minutes, considering her words. “That could work. I would be your employer, but on a less formal footing as you are helping out rather than depending on me for a job. It gives you time to see if this is what you really want too.”

“So you agree?”

“Well the new van is ready, just sitting at the garage waiting for a purpose in life. I guess we may as well give it one.”

Saffron thought for a minute. “That’s a yes right?”

“That’s a yes. Welcome to Coffee My Day.”

“Woohoo! This is so exciting! Do I get a uniform? When do I start?”

I couldn’t help but smile at her excitement. I still wasn’t sure whether this was a good idea or not, but as her closest friend I was happy that I had made her happy.

“We can work out the details over the weekend, ok?”

“No problem, I can’t wait to tell the girls.”

Pulling into my garage I turned to smile at her. “I’m pleased I could make you smile.”

Saffron took my hand and squeezed it tightly, before turning to open her door. Her voice was a bit muffled but I still heard her say, “You have no idea what you have just done for me Cassie.”

My smile faded, what did she mean, what exactly was going on in her life that I didn’t know about? I resolved to try to find out in the next few days. But now, it was McDonalds and movie night. 

Letters To Myself