Ever had one of those days, where you reach a point when you realise that you will get nothing done that you had planned? So you throw your hands up in the air, and just go with the flow - or you get massively frustrated and fight against it but still in the end have to go with the flow. Of course if you get massively frustrated the flow becomes more like a raging torrent with unseen rips.

Well for me it's been a whole week of those sorts of days. I have a rising tide of anxiety that is coming from my stomach, squeezing my lungs and making my head feel like it will explode. That is  mostly because I haven't written a word and I had planned to have so much done by this point (one week later). I also haven't done any of the promoting of the book that I need to do. It has been distributed to the major stores, and I will have it up on Amazon just as soon as I have the time to sit and go through the hoops Amazon has in place. In a short space of time it will be available in all the catalogues, so while it is not imperative that I act on publicising immediately, I have to do so in the next few days.

This is  not to say that the past week has been a total write off, it hasn't. I've had some part time work and have earned enough to keep the wolf from the door for a bit longer, and I have had a few social moments - the rest of the time I'm damned if I know just what I did, but I know I was too busy to write or even to read. I have a mind that stresses when I don't read often, I think because it dulls the constant script that flows past the back of my eyes. Yes people, there is a script that unfolds at the forefront of my brain, I see it with my minds eye. It is comprised of my conversations with other people, my conversations with myself, even my shopping list when I write it. Everything I think or say or others say to me flows past inside my head and is viewed by my minds eye, whether I want to or not. That's how I spell, I have a picture of the word in my head and I just look at it. It's how I remember conversations, I go back through the script in my head.

I have spent most of my life thinking that was how everyone processed words. I could never understand why they couldn't spell when all they had to do was look at the word in their head. It's the same as the imaginary conversations I rehearse  before I talk to someone. You know, when you have something to say to someone and you plan what you will say, and they will say, and you will respond. You have the whole conversation planned, and then they don't say the right thing (you do this, right?). Imagine being me, the imaginary conversation running next to the actual conversation, and the real life conversation deviates from the prepared script. Rewrite on the fly! Very stressful.

Well anyway, apparently other people don't have this script inside their heads. It beats me how you all organise your thoughts if that is the case. But then it does become overwhelming, and that is one of the reasons I read and I write. The script goes to the back (I learned this phrase from using PowerPoint!) and the words I am reading/writing are at the front. Plus the noise in my head lessens when I write. Even writing this blog is calming, despite it going in an unexpected direction - again.

Hopefully from now on I can get back on track, and get on with the things that I really need to be doing - sending the book review requests off, checking to see if the book is up on the other store websites, and working on the next book which is downright shouting at me.

In the meantime, I'll attach a photo of The Gooseponds which I took at dusk today while speed walking the dog - she's getting fitter :)